Craig's hilarious poem

He Beat Me

Back in 1999 We’d go to the singles ward. And just sit out in the foyer And be totally bored. We’d talk about Everquest And our Fear and Hate raids And how we were the biggest pimps Cause our guild had hot babes.

Looking back on it now We were a couple of noobs Because all the hot babes we’d play with Were like 35 year old dudes. But that’s the extent of our girl problems. It made us a little sad But when we saw Mark sleeping at church Our problems didn’t seem that bad.

After the first hour of church We’d ditch and go to Ben’s house. My parents would call to see where I was But I’d be knocked out on the couch. After the mission we made progress We used the interior seating. But we still got bored of church and went home After the first meeting.

We had a ball in the summers It was totally great. Then a girl did something That I didn’t anticipate. She’d come play at our lan parties And actually have a good time. She wouldn’t go watch chick flicks Then come back to the lan party and whine.

Then I thought “Oh Ben will get bored of her.” “Then cut her off like stubble.” But when she beat us all at Warcraft 3 I knew Ben was in trouble. So then one bright spring day A text message confirmed it. To get Ben to propose I know Kim must’ve earned it.

Ben’s come a long way Since our Everquest days. Hopefully when Kim takes him to church She can make sure he stays.

Now don’t make me wait a decade To see your babies first tooth. Because Toni doesn’t wanna wait that long. And I know that’s the truth.

But the most beautiful truth That we learned here today. Is not about love or commitment But that Ben isn’t gay.